Jay Shetty's Guide to Self-Care for Men
By: Naveera Perera
@jayshetty
Self-care amongst men is a topic that receives little attention and is in fact taboo because of the stereotypes associated with self-care - it is seen as feminine and there are the societal expectations of men to “toughen up”. In fact, suicide rates amongst men are more than double the rates among women in countries such as India and the US.
Jay Shetty, global best-selling author and life coach, forces you to rethink what it means to sacrifice your own mental health. He notes, “I was extending myself for others thinking that I was helping them. But what would happen is that I would get sick, I would be exhausted, I would be tired and I was helping them from a place of pain, struggle and stress rather than helping them from a place of love, joy and kindness”. Hence, the ultimate question to ask is: “Do we want to help people we love with the best of ourselves?”
Sounds like a question you need to ask yourself? In this article we dive into exploring the questions of what self-care is for men, why it is important and how you can incorporate it in your daily routine. Keep reading to find out what Jay Shetty had to say on his self-care tips for men while in conversation with Deepika Padukone during an interview for 82°E.
What is self-care and why is it important for men?
Self-care can mean different things to you. You may associate it with things like relaxing, getting enough sleep, having some alone time, or even going out with your friends. And this is true to a certain extent. It just fails to look at the entire picture. For instance, Shetty says “self-care means taking care physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually because these are all myself”. This also includes taking care of your skin, hair and related aspects.
Padukone comments that people in general believe that “when you take care of yourself it borders on being indulgent”. This is a common misconception, one that is really grilled into the male psychology especially since in today’s world, self-care is more often perceived to be a feminine concept.
In fact, Shetty says that “it can be really tough on someone trying to portray themselves as strong and masculine and then all of a sudden you’re taking care of your face, and your grooming and everything else that comes with it”. But this needs to change.
For instance, the latest statistics released by the World Health Organisation, points to the fact that there is no country where men live longer than women. Moreover, according to the Institute of Health Metrics and Evaluation data, as of 2018, about 45% of male deaths are due to health behaviours. The conclusion? If men practiced self-care, it will directly improve their mortality and morbidity outcomes.
“I think having vulnerable open conversations, having a friend that you can open your heart to, speak your mind to, is a practice of self-care that I think we often miss out on or forget about.”
Self-Care Rituals for Men
Keep Moving
Shetty says that “it is so important to have movement everyday”.
This does not mean an intense workout (although that works too). But the point is you just need to move, sweat and be active for an hour or so a day.
For Shetty, “one of my favourite things is going on hikes… It is really easy for 30 minutes and then it is really hard for 30 minutes”. As a bonus, it allows you to enjoy the fresh air and be with nature which can be really energising.
What is important is to be consistent for at least five days. You can also try aerobic exercises like swimming, cycling or walking which has proven to increase endorphin levels. Or you can engage in something like gardening which requires you to move, carry, squat and force your body to move about.
Find stillness
If you feel like you are heavy with burdens or there is an overwhelming amount of news or information around you, you might end up going on a spiral in the long term. This is why men’s mental health is an equally important point that needs to be addressed in self-care.
Shetty explains this in the context of today’s world “where there is so much chaos, so many notifications, so much news, so much negativity, so much noise and there's so much happening outside of ourselves that I find that if I can just find some stillness then that can make a huge difference”.
To achieve that sense of stillness, activities such as meditation can really help. Other things you can do is take a social media break, talk to someone, or even journal daily.
Your food is connected to your body
All the exercise in the world is not enough to truly protect your body. An equally important aspect of your physical health is in what you consume. What people may not realise is that what we eat also significantly contributes to our emotional wellbeing.
Shetty concurs, noting that whatever we take into our body plays “a huge part of how we feel and how we operate”. In fact, “throughout the day what we eat affects our mood”. For this, deeply understanding our bodies and the effect of how different herbs and different spices can impact us is pivotal.
Build deeper connections
“I think having vulnerable open conversations, having a friend that you can open your heart to, speak your mind to, is a practice of self-care that I think we often miss out on or forget about” says Shetty.
While one may argue that they do not have such a person to talk to, perhaps this is a wakeup call to be in environments where you do find such people. Meaningful conversations that allow you to learn and reflect on things, take advice from, and discuss taboo topics not only stimulates your mind but lets you truly enjoy the company around you. More importantly, such connections allow you to express yourself in a safe space free of judgement.
Take care of your skin
You may tend not to invest time and effort in a skincare routine. Especially in today's day and age, where social media influencers promote expensive products and a ten-step guide to getting a spotless face, people tend to lose the actual point of skincare - which is purely protecting the skin that you have been blessed with.
Afterall, as noted by a dermatologist in the National Institute of Health of USA, “the skin provides a barrier to protect the body from invasion by bacteria and other possible environmental hazards that can be dangerous for human health”.
For instance, did you know that most skin cancers are caused by too much exposure to ultraviolet (UV) light? According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, UV rays are an invisible kind of radiation which can damage skin cells. This is why investing on a proper sunscreen that is broad-spectrum, inclusive of UVA and UVB protection, and has an SPF of at least 30 is important.
Start with small steps
Your self-care journey does not need to be complicated. Instead, Shetty advises to “start small, start simple, start where it's easy for you”. This, he says “makes it really natural for yourself, and when you observe the benefits and the rewards you'll get the momentum to want to do more”.
For instance if it is skincare, you may not feel anything at first when you apply it on to your skin, but when you do feel its benefits then “that's when it starts to feel tangible and real”.
Padukone too notes that self-care rituals are not grand, complex, or overwhelming whether it's skin care, hydration, exercise movement or related to sleep nutrition. “They're all things that we do every day and I think just being able to do it consistently in small simple ways” is what matters.
Change your mindset
Considering that we tend to feel guilty when taking care of ourselves, an important step to self-care for men is a shift in mentality. At the crux of it, you need to be happy to take care of yourself and according to Shetty, “realise that you're not doing it for someone else”. In other words, “you're not doing it so that you appear in a certain way to anyone else”. Rather, “you're doing it because you've been gifted with this layer of skin, you've been gifted with your health, you've been gifted with your wellness, and taking care of it and maintaining it is not indulgent at all”.
Being more grateful and more aware of the fact that you can think about your wellness or self-care journey as a benefit of your privilege is one way to truly immerse yourself in the journey. Most often, Shetty reflects, when you start, “you'll always feel like you wish you knew about this 10 years ago”, so it's better to start right now itself.
Shetty also notes that embracing the idea that “I take care of myself so that I can help others” can help you to immerse yourself in the journey. If not, he says, “when we're tired we're just giving them our leftovers, and I don't think you want to give the people you love your leftovers. You want to give them the best of your heart”. This means if you are in a better state of mind, you have more energy to give and therefore will be able to give more to someone you love.
Keep Reading: How to practice gratitude
