How to Practice Gratitude
Written by: Deepa Somasunderam
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Most of us were told to be thankful as children. Saying thanks could have been something you did when praying, before meals with your family or just being told to appreciate what you have. And you probably didn’t think about it too much and as you got older, life got in the way and you say thanks less and less, not because you don’t want to but because you're so busy.
But there are very good reasons we were taught to be thankful. Expressing gratitude is reported to have life-changing benefits from helping with your daily well-being to transforming your relationships. Even Oprah tells us to do it, calling it her “most cherished spiritual practice.”
If you are a minority, such as your race, caste or gender, finding self-care rituals to deal with your environment can be part of your coping mechanism but gratitude can be a tricky one. There is a difference between you being grateful for what you have and you being told to be grateful for what you have as a way to silence you.
So we spoke to an expert in the field, Dr Christa Mahlobo, a fellow in the Human Flourishing Lab at the University of Pennsylvania, to understand how we can all access gratitude effectively as a wellness tool.
Dr. Christa Mahlobo is a researcher and Provost’s Postdoctoral Fellow in the Humanities and Human Flourishing Lab at the University of Pennsylvania.
She earned her Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies from The Pennsylvania State University in 2022.
Dr. Mahlobo’s main research interests focus on adolescent development, holistic African American flourishing through the arts, and the role of mindfulness practices in enhancing wellbeing.
What is Gratitude?
So what does gratitude mean? This should be the starting point. Before we learn how to express gratitude, we need to know what feeling grateful actually means.
Dr. Mahlobo explains that “to me gratitude is assessing all of the things that I have - material and non-material, experiences, people, opportunities, nature, etc. - and honouring those things by intentionally calling them to mind.”
Gratitude results from a two-step cognitive process:
Its an affirmation that something positive or good has happened
Recognition that there is an external source for this positivity or goodness
Now we can look at the benefits of gratitude and the importance of incorporating daily gratitude into your routine.
3. How can you practice Gratitude?
In short, practicing gratitude is learning how to be more grateful. Learning how to show gratitude allows us to harness the power of gratitude in our daily lives.
There are many ways to practice gratitude. These gratitude exercises and activities will increase your mindfulness and in short, teach you how to practice being happy as well as enjoying the health benefits of the gratitude attitude. So to bring you some of the best gratitude practice ideas and tips, we consulted Dr. Mahlobo and also the Greater Good Science Center’s resources..
Write a Gratitude Letter
One particularly effective gratitude exercise is the gratitude letter. Dr Mahlobo explains that “these are letters of appreciation written to individuals who have positively impacted your life. You can either keep the letter, mail it, or read it to the individual in person.”
Some useful guidelines for writing such a letter are:
Choose someone who is alive and ideally, someone who you haven’t thought about for a while and have never expressed gratitude to
Try to keep your letter to one page and set about ten minutes to write this letter
Try to be as specific as possible when describing how this person impacted your life for the better.
Start Your Gratitude Journal
Dr Mahlobo says: “my personal favorite is the gratitude journal. Every morning I write down 3 things that I am grateful for and journal about it. Science has shown that gratitude journaling every day for one week led to an increase in happiness that lasts over a 6 month period!”
Take a walk
Take a walk for 20 minutes every day for a week, trying to savour all the sensations around you such as sights, sounds and smells and pause to register each sensation in your mind and to understand what is making this pleasurable for you. This is called a Savouring Walk. You can try a different route each day so you don’t start taking any of the sensations for granted.
Give up something you enjoy for a short period
Savour something more by taking a break from it. Select something you enjoy doing on a regular basis and give it up for a week. At the end of the week, notice how you feel when you indulge in the activity again and all the sensations you feel.
Imagine what your life would be like without a special event or person
Select a positive event in your life (such as a career achievement, birth of a child or a special trip) and write down all the things in your life that could have prevented this event from happening. Now imagine what your life would be like without this positive event and all the beneficial events that flowed from it. The next step of this method, which is known as Mental Subtraction of Positive Events, is to now remind yourself that this event did actually happen and think about all the good it brought to your life which will allow yourself to truly feel gratitude for the good things that came from that event.
You can do the same for an important relationship in your life, whether its a friend, partner or parent. Known as the Mental Subtraction of Positive Relationships, think back to how you met the person and all the things that could have prevented you from meeting this person and imagine what your life would be like without this person and all the joys they may have brought to your life. Now remind yourself that you in fact did meet this person and allow yourself to feel grateful for their presence in your life.
What are the benefits of Gratitude?
Gratitude can make you feel more positive
Scientific studies on gratitude show the effects of gratitude on the brain. Dr. Mahlobo explains, “gratitude has some powerful effects on the brain. When we express gratitude, the brain releases dopamine and serotonin, known to many as the “feel good” or “happy” neurotransmitters.”
Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers in our body. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that carries messages between nerve cells in the brain and the rest of the body and it is responsible for regulating mood, sleep, digestion and sexual desire. Dopamine is another neurotransmitter which contributes to your motivation, learning, pleasure and focus.
The scientific studies that measured brain activity in people feeling gratitude found that gratitude evoked activity in different mesolimbic reward and basal forebrain regions (VTA, hypothalamus and septum) which means the structures deep in your brain responsible for managing your mood, sex drive, sleep and even digestion are activated.
The online gratitude journal, thnx4.org, reports that across the 1,600 people who used the pilot version the website, that “days with more gratitude featured more positive (e.g. happy, inspired, loving) and fewer negative (e.g. sad, bored, discouraged) emotions. People expressing thanks to other people (instead of to things) were 150 percent more likely to say “this made my whole day glorious,” when asked how strongly this gratitude had impacted their day. When people thought others had put great effort into benefitting them (as opposed to minimal effort), the positive impact on their day was significantly stronger.”
The effects of gratitude are lasting
So it's not just a short-term dopamine hit. Dr. Mahlobo says “in a recent study, high school students who participated in a digital gratitude journal reported greater traits of gratitude, personal and social well-being, and mental health 6 weeks later than students who did not participate in the intervention”.
In this way, you can make gratitude a way of life and enjoy the lasting effects of gratitude on your well-being.
Gratitude can bring calm and reduce stress
One scientific study conducted in 2017 and published in the Scientific Reports journal showed practicing gratitude lowered the heart rates of participants. Lowering the heart rate can bring to a naturally calmer state. Further, there was a positive effect on “functional connectivity” analysis which is your general state (i.e. your default mode) of self-motivation and emotion regulation which all improved with a gratitude practice.
So when things get stressful, turning to gratitude can calm your body and mind in the moment and help you re-centre yourself.
Gratitude can make you sleep better
A 2011 study found that practicing gratitude helped participants wind down better before bed as they had less worry and less pre-sleep arousal and improved their sleep overall. Another 2008 study, which was the first study to establish a connection between sleep and gratitude, also had similar findings in that participants who practiced gratitude enjoyed better quality sleep and longer sleep.
Being able to calm yourself and reduce the worries flitting around in your mind before bed will help your sleep routine and you will unwind, falling asleep faster.
So there are serious benefits to having an attitude of gratitude.
Gratitude when facing inequity
For those who are minorities in their environment, inequity can, unfortunately, be imbued into your daily life but cultivating self-care rituals such as gratitude to deal with these daily stressors can bring significant benefits.
However, it is useful to understand if there could be any downsides to this.
Gratitude can make you feel obligated
Attention has also been given to a negative aspect of gratitude: because gratitude has this obligatory aspect where when you are grateful for something or someone you are made to feel indebted or aware of your dependence on others, this can create unpleasant feelings as people may resent these feelings of obligation and it can even create negative emotions.
Keeping this in mind, let's look at situations in which gratitude must be approached with caution.
When the G word doesn’t work
There is a tricky balance between turning to gratitude to deal with difficult moments and being told to be thankful for what you have because of who you are. A potential response can start with “you should just be grateful for [your current circumstance]” and this in turn complicates the emotion of gratitude for the person at the receiving end of the statement.
Dr. Mahlobo says, “I don’t think that there are downsides to an individual turning to gratitude when facing inequity. However, if for example, corporations or workplaces that have unfair practices are asking their workers to turn to gratitude instead of addressing institutional wrongdoing, I do find that incredibly problematic.”
So it is important to be conscious of language and the context in which gratitude is used to ensure that it is indeed available as an important self-care tool for everyone.
“Joy is an act of resistance.”
Overall, we cannot detract from the power of gratitude and the genuine benefits it can bring to your mental and physical well-being.
Dr. Mahlobo says, “as women of color we are often at the intersection of two systems of oppression: sexism and racism. To combat these and other systems, I often meditate on one of my favorite quotes by a Black feminist writer, Toi Derricotte which says that “Joy is an act of resistance.” Joy can be used as fuel for change and a way to cope with daily inequity and gratitude is one tangible way to cultivate joy and inner peace.”
So turning to gratitude can be a useful tool in difficult situations and is a crucial part of our daily tool-kit to create joy. Dr. Mahlobo says, “As POC, if we are able to cultivate a character of gratitude it can allow us to accept what is in the moment - which means accept ourselves, not the oppression itself - and still work towards change.”
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